Hey, all you out there you may or may not have Anorexia but you are all probably reading this for a reason, I also am writing this for a reason so others out there may understand and help people who have this disease and i know what some of you are thinking right now "It's a disease i thought them people were just stupid?" but yes it is a disease. Some call it a more advanced way of suicide also.
But i'm not gonna go on about that all the time, I'm here to tell my story, my story of my life with Anorexia.
Untill Now I haven't really told anyone of my story except the closest person to me (Emily) in fear of people rejecting me or saying i'm stupid but I'v thought about it and it's time for people to know what we really go through. Yes you read and hear about it from a medical view but have many if any of you actually heard a real life story about the real struggles probabally not many of you, and neither had I.
My mom was always a tall VERY SKINNY person for all I can remember and people always said to me you are nothing like your mom you are short and chunky. Then my younger sister came along, and you guessed right just like my mom she grew slightly older into a body a supermodel could only wish to have. All through elementary i was on a diet i could never have junk food with the other kids or regular soda. And everyone would always say "Your sister and mom are sooooo pretty I wish i could be that skinny and pretty"But all through 6th grade I was the short chubby child I never had many friends and always thought It was like the popular girls said, I was FAT.
On the first day of my 6th grade year someone (which i will not name) walked up to me and said " Oh hey fatty I thought you'd moved I guess not, then under her breath while walking away said "she should have", I'd always hated the way I looked so bad that I never allowed pictures took of me, was always sick on school picture day but on the slight chance someone got a picture of me i would go the distance to make sure it was shreaded, but that day I promised myself I'd do what i'd have to do to fix myself.
I started Starving myself the most i would eat in a week was a popsicle. I lost 20 some lbs instantly I lived on Water and Diet Soda. I started fainting alot but I learned to know when that was going to happen and i'd ask to be excuse to the restroom so no one would know. Besides I didn't care People were now talking to me and complimenting me on how I looked and i liked being spoke to for once. School lunch wasn't to hard to get around I'd volunteer to help teachers with stuff during lunch and If i didn't find something I'd sit there and chop my food in to tiny bits so it looked like i was eating them and listen to the latest gossip.
Eventually teachers and parents started to notice and they'd ask me about it but I denied knowing at all what they were talking about. At home I'd say my allergies were acting up, I felt sick, or was gaggy, anything to get out of eating, It seemed to me food was the devil and if I ate the world would end.
During 7th grade my weight was still dropping I was 5 ft something and now around 90lbs (when I started I was 130-140ish) my weight continued to drop all year. several people tried to talk to me but by the end of the year I was 5ft 2in and weighed less than 80lbs. And the thng that bothered me most was my parents never once noticed, they were to busy with work.
That summer got worse not only was I eating that little still but I'd have to exercise, and not just normal ammounts. I'm talking 12 miles and over, and if for some reasons I couldn't go that day even If it was just severe weather I'd have tantrums and cry all day, but I wasn't even sure why I was mad.
8th grade was almost here and since I live in an extreemly small town I knew about all the new teachers but I hadn't heard who the new prencipal and jr. high gym/coach was gonna be. I'd alwayse herd the saying "people you almost never met chgange your life" and little did I know it was right.
That year I met coach Brown and she was what I thought the coolest person ever she was nice, athleatic, religious, pretty, I could list forever. Throughout the year I almost became BFFs with her since I was with her for games, and after school; but I had to tell her I had nowhere to go after school when really I was avoiding my parents fights; but I likek being with her I felt protected and happy for once. As we got closer she noticed my eating habbits and since I was with her alot I had fainted many times, but everytime I had told her some mader up reason for fainting. One day I will remember well she sat me down and talked to me and I don't know why but I was so happy she notticed, but she was so cool and I felt stupid so I denied It, again. Throughout the school year i continued the smae way but the new prencipal started to notice to he'd approach me everytime I went to lunch, everytime I just wanted to tell him the whole thimg and have him hug me and say I'ts gonna be alright but I was to scared, scared of people laughing, scared of getting fat again, but the biggest fear my parrents, they scare me to death and still don't know really much at all of my struggles. Honnestly if anyone confronts them of it they denie it and threaten to call the cops if they don't leave; I was so scared of them finding out because to them I was just there to help at the business if they found out I knew my mom would say it was my fault not a deisease, which she did,.
Later in the school year coach Brown talked to me again but I was still to ashamed, so I continued the same way, she kept trying to reach out to me and I thought wow she actually cares. She is the one who pushed (or scared with all her facts) me to take the 1st most needed step,admitting to myself what i'd been doing. I never admitted to her or my prencipal yet that they were right, I'm still ashamed, but I know If I need someone they will probably be there for me (I Hope).
I could go into alot more detail but then I'd start crying, and run out of pages.
For now I will continue peice by peice recording my story and some things that hepled me along so stay tuned and feel free to add and mesage me at: http://www.myspace.com/_jewlz_j
With much love from your fave ann,
JMJ
overNout
6 comments on Life With Anorexia
Add a comment
To add comments without entering your email and image verification, you must be logged in. Login or Join Blogster
i admire you for trying to help others with that dissease i know what its like to be picked on and ridculed and know to that people can be crule i hope you can deal with your dissease and over come it ill be praying for you on that i have been through alot myself if you read my blogs you will understand. and i also hope that you will be my freind! http://www.televisiontunes.com/Golden_Girls.html
Thanx so much I will be your friend (but first i gotta figure out the friend thing on here LOL)
Figured it out!
well you look fantastic and hey you are not a recovering anorexic, just a recovering not going to listen to or take crap of others person. dont ever let anyone tell you that your fat, infact it is they who are thin on soul and character. i cant even begin to understand what you went through but i do understand that there are a lot of cruel people out there who like to bring people down, and that is because they feel worthless to, so they want others to feel just as bad. looking good or being thin is very superficial and true beauty doesnt have anything to do with how you look. it is all inside, and when you shine inside you shine outside. hey im ugly overweight and proud of it
your most welcome. feel free to ask me anything, what i can gurantee is that what you will hear from me is the truth as it is, and not glossed over. i think you have strength to overcome this, and now your wisdom will grow as you help others. be a shining light for those who cannot see and are lost.